I'm angry.

Truthfully, I shouldn't be. The joint I ordered this from had one of the lowest ratings on Wolt I've ever seen. But here's the thing: it's so close to my home. Which is why I wanted it to be good. So I grabbed my gas tank, inhaled a hearty dose of hopium, and reasoned that the score on Wolt must be inaccurate - a result of misguided haters.

Incorrect.

Well, sort of. The score was indeed inaccurate. It was absurdly high. At least based on what I received.

Theirs is now my least favorite burger I have ever eaten. It's a whole different animal. It genuinely seemed (and smelled) like it was prepared a few days ago, left on the counter, then reheated minutes before it was brought to me. Given the score, you can safely conclude just about every part of this burger was terrible. But I'd like to give a special shout-out to the buns - I haven't eaten sponges before but I now find it much easier to imagine what that would be like.

I made it four bites in before I had to put it down. Which is the main reason for the lede to this review - the burger was so bad I couldn't eat it and was left hungry. And, oh yeah, did I mention I paid out the ass for it?

Of course, the depths of culinary villainy we are operating with are not so easily explained. Still, given that this is what I'm supposed to be doing here, allow me to give you two further points of reference.

As a first point of reference, this handily dethrones my previous worst burger, Pošta's Burger. As I noted in the appropriately derisive lede to that review: "The best part of that burger was the leaf of lettuce." I'm quoting it here to make you understand: that was no idle jest - that lettuce leaf in that burger was fresh. Sure, the rest of the burger was bad, but at least I had something to work with. And as bad as the burger was, it was still edible (well, I ate it, at least). There was no such silver lining here. The lettuce seemed like it had wilted a weak ago. Delightful.

Second, if you eat as many burgers as I have, at some point you're bound to eat... shall we say, a "compromised" burger. Twice so far I have spent a couple of days throwing up because of what I assume were poorly refrigerated prepared patties. Horrible experience. I say that because I want you to understand that given choice, I would rather eat those hazardous burgers again than finish this one.

Oh, also, the images on their Wolt page are (were) mixed up. You know, just for good measure. Not that they even remotely resemble what I received.