Lars & Sven

All right. I'm going to get a lot of heat from this, because there seems to be a massive fandom surrounding Lars & Sven. Whenever I saw a poll on a random website regarding best burgers or best burger joints in Ljubljana (or even Slovenia) Lars & Sven inevitably topped that list - more often than not by a significant margin - or was at least near the top. And I know a lot of people who will swear by their children, unborn or otherwise, that theirs is hands down the absolute pinnacle of burger this country has to offer.

And I'm here to say - I don't get it.

Don't misunderstand. I've been to Lars & Sven. I've tried almost all of their dishes. And they are a solid joint offering pretty good food.

In fact, allow me a tangent. They are one of those rare joints - perhaps the only joint (I can't be bothered to check) - that correctly labels their products. To elaborate, below are two menus, one from Lars & Sven, one from Hoo-... ahem... an undisclosed competitor:

Lars & Sven's menu

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Undisclosed competitor's menu

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Now, we don't really care about drinks and sides and all that, so let's focus on the main dishes exclusively. Computer, enhance!

Lars & Sven's menu

Click the image to enlarge

Undisclosed competitor's menu

Click the image to enlarge

You may be looking at this and thinking: "What's wrong with this?" And I wouldn't blame you. There are many who fail to understand the gravity of offense the creators of this menu have committed. If you are indeed asking yourself the aforementioned question, I hereby give you a choice. You may cease reading here and remain ignorant on the issue, or you may proceed and learn what troubles me so. But be warned! There is no turning back once you learn the truth

If you are still reading, I shall interpret this as desire to break the chains of ignorance and join the initiated. So strap yourselves in. You are about to be redpilled, my dudes.

Take a look at the title of the foods sections on both menus. The one from Lars & Sven is named "Hunger". The one from an undisclosed competitor is called "Burgers". Perfectly reasonable, yes? No, stupid! Because, look at the items on the menu. Lars & Sven has an array of burgers, sandwiches, and even chicken fingers. Well, based on the title, that must mean the other joint only offers burgers, right? Wrong again, idiot! While it may not be very clear from the ingredients in some cases, if one were familiar with this menu one would realize that four of them are burgers, two of them are sandwiches, and one of them are chicken fingers.

In light of this analysis, we can draw several conclusions.

First, I have little doubt that most of the people who made it this far - maybe even you, dear reader - have concluded that my pedantry borders on insanity. And that is your right. I have no way to prevent anyone from being wrong.

Second, to me - and those brave few loyalists who stuck with me through this rant - the latter menu constitutes a blatant disregard for the value of specific meanings assigned to their respective words and gross negligence and misconduct in regards to the accuracy of their use, culminating in a menu that, ultimately, offers some choice reflective of the title of said menu but mostly offers lies and broken promises.

So, to bring all this back to the point I was trying to make: Lars & Sven have proven that they fundamentally understand the difference between burgers and sandwiches and their menu reflects this. Given how many joints fail to appreciate this crucial difference, Lars & Sven are a breath of fresh air in an industry criminally bereft of care for precise terminology.

As we conclude this tangent, many of you, I suspect, expect me to elaborate on my earlier statements regarding the quality of their food. I find your expectations reasonable. However, I have a confession to make.

You see, I was hoping that by the end of my tangent I would have, for one reason or another, alienated all of my readers. But, given that you are still reading this, I seem to have miscalculated.

Sooo... this is awkward...